Eau du Breastmilk

I’m wearing a new perfume. The scent embodies the creamy and refreshing allure of milk and leaves you with a lingering sense of femininity. After all, nothing quite says “woman” or at least “mom” like regurgitated breastmilk. Yes, today Madeline sniffed my arm, crinkled her nose and said, “Mommy, you smell like Baby Rachel.” As in you smell like rank spit-up.

Yes, my new body spray really does linger. Plus, I just happen to tote around my little perfume bottle everywhere, so there’s no need to worry about the fragrance fading. There’s an endless supply and it comes with an automatic pump that disperses fragrant sprays at regular intervals on your arms and face, and sometimes, when you’re holding said perfume bottle close to your chest, you get an extra sensual touch as it mists down your cleavage.

Feeling fresh after the first shower you’ve had in three days? No worries. Just a light spray of Eau du Breastmilk, manufactured by Rachel Marie, will leave you feeling like a Dairy Queen in no time.